Who doesn't love peanuts at a ballgame? There's nothing better than cracking shells and watching them blow into your neighbors face while watching baseball (unless I'm your neighbor. Then you're a jerk)! If you're at Citizens Bank Park, chances are you're purchasing said peanuts from a lovely older lady whose "PEAAAANUTTTTS!" chant sounds suspiciously like she's saying "PENIS." For those of you who share the same 12 year old's sense of humor that I have, she's always worth a giggle. But as strange as it sounds, peanut lady pales in comparison to the new nut salesman on the block: Pistachio Girl!
CNBC recently reported that Pistachios are quickly becoming the nut of choice for baseball fans. $35Million dollars has been spent on Pistachio related advertising campaigns since 2009. Eleven ballparks have taken to selling this alternative shelled nut, but I can't imagine that any of them have as "colorful" of a saleswoman as Citizens Bank Park. To say that the Pistachio girl is completely "bat-shit crazy" would be an insult to the feces of flying mammals. Creepy and disturbing would be much more appropriate adjectives. Twitter has been abuzz with stories of her off duty antics for the past few weeks and I've tracked down dozens of links, but by no means is my information written in stone. Apparently she is a local college student who is an artist of sorts. I'm not talking "artist" like comics books and podcasts. I'm talking "artist" as murals made of sheep's blood and death metal.
Now, don't get me wrong... there is clearly a faction of people that enjoy this sort of lifestyle. I even commend CBP and the Phillies for being an equal opportunity employer in that regard. Quite frankly, walking up and down stairs for 3 hours 81 games a year plus playoffs isn't a job for the weak. But do you want to buy your nuts from this interviewee? I can't pretend at all to understand the appeal in any of this, but to each their own I guess. I'm told that in order to properly understand the experience, huffing gold spray paint out of a paper bag is required. I don't plan on doing that so for now I'm going to have to assume that those $6.00 Wonderful Pistachios are probably laced with arsenic for her amusement and avoid them like the plague. I'll be sticking to sunflower seeds...
In "not at all crazy ballpark vendor" news, Bill "The Beerman" will be serving up ice cold Bud and Bud Lite products to those in anyone of age in the right field section of CBP via Twitter. Considering fans spend most of the game on their blackberries/iPhones anyway, why not! Check him out @philsbeerman and if you're in 101-107/201-211/301-310 send him your section, row, and seat and you'll never have to get up!